My Greatest Fear
by Lady Knight 1512
Summary: Neal is taking his final steps towards knighthood in the Chamber of the Ordeal. Little does he know what awaits him there. A sight that will surely haunt him for the rest of his days and change his life forever. CHAPTER 10 UP! FINISHED!
1. The Chamber

**A/N: Just a short ficlet about Neal's ordeal taken from his POV. Don't really know how good it's gonna be. Hope it's not bad. Just forgive any little errors there may be in the way things look. I don't have my books with me and am too lazy to go to my room to get them. Also, I'm not too good at writing guys, mainly cuz I'm not one. Anyway, I'll try my best.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or places. They all belong to Tamora Pierce. **

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS SUICIDAL THEMES. **

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**My Greatest Fear**

The large iron gate that was the door to the Chamber of the Ordeal opened as I vaguely registered the arrival of the crowd who would wait in the Chapel of the Ordeal until I emerged from the Chamber at dawn. The crowd consisted of my friends and family.

This was the day I had waited for, for a long time. I had given up my University life for this moment, the moment when I would face the Ordeal and take my final steps towards becoming a knight. This was what life was all about.

I took a deep breath and walked into the Chamber, my heart racing. The gate thudded closed behind me and I was left in darkness. I had no idea what to expect, men who successfully left the Chamber and were made knights of the realm were forbidden to tell what had taken place during their ordeal.

As I stood calmly waiting for something to happen my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I looked around. I was in a grey room that felt cold and was bare of all furnishings. I took a few more steps into the room warily. What was going on? Wasn't something supposed to happen, or was the ordeal no more than a room you spent the night in before you were made a knight? Of course not. Just the year before, Joren had died in this very room.

I was about to sit down on the floor when something cackled. I looked up towards the ceiling and saw a Stormwing swoop down at me. I have always feared Stormwings. Ever since they had attacked Queenscove and killed my eldest sister. That Stormwing had been provoked but not by her. It wasn't natural. By rights, I should have been overcome by anger and the need for revenge but the sight of her mangled body had always plagued my dreams.

I ducked as the creature that was half man- half steel bird and immortal flew over my head. The smell that wafted over me was sickening and enough to make me throw up the small dinner I had convinced myself to eat.

The creature turned around and came back screaming that I wouldn't see the light of day again. Not knowing what else to do I gulped, turned and ran. The Chamber around me changed and I was in a maze with walls as high as the ceiling. I came to an intersection and stopped. Left, right or straight? How did I know which way was the right one? The Stormwing, which was still following me, screeched and I made a quick choice to turn right. I ran on, not noticing which turns I made until the passage came to an abrupt end.

Cursing silently, I turned around to go back but found the Stormwing in front of me. I backed up to the wall and felt around for my sword before I remembered I didn't have one. Cornered by an enemy without a weapon, one of my greatest fears. Was this what the Chamber was for? To make would- be knights face the very things that could bring them down and make them weak? A good idea if you didn't have to live it.

The monster advanced but suddenly it vanished. The maze remained. Glancing around, I decided to start walking. I rounded corner after corner trying to find the way out, if there was one. Unfortunately, I had no luck. I was most definitely lost. Yes, lost with no food and no water and no company. I would surely go insane. I stopped walking as a familiar voice sounded in my head.

"_Insane Neal? Only now? I would have thought that you'd cracked a long time ago."_

I smiled as I heard my best friend's voice. The one constant in my life was her. Keladry of Mindelan, a squire who was five years my junior and who's ordeal wasn't until the very end of the week. It was she who had kept me sane all the years and kept me going. It was she who had mothered me and helped me keep my temper. She who had challenged me in so many ways. It was she I couldn't bear to leave when I'd had to go away with my knight- mistress, Alanna the Lioness.

"_Don't stop now, Neal," _Kel's voice said to me. _"You've got to keep going. Go on. You can do this."_

Yes, she was right. I _could _do this. I straightened my shoulders and began walking again. I got to another corner and went around it. There in front of me was Kel. Kel, in the plum gown I had given her just that afternoon. She was crying, something I had never seen her do before and it frightened me. Frightened me more than anything I had ever been faced with. She turned her back on me and ran. I ran after her.

I followed her down passages that looked all the same and I emerged into a garden that was the exact replica of the one at Queenscove. It was a wedding and _I_ was the one getting married! _To Yuki!_ How was this frightening? I didn't fear marriage. What I _did_ fear was marrying someone that I didn't love. I shook my head. Enough time to ponder this situation later. Where had Kel gotten to?

She was on the other side of the garden, still weeping. Again, she turned and ran. I followed her through the gardens. We ended up in the garden that was directly under my bedroom window. What met my eyes was cause enough to make me gasp in horror. I stopped myself just in time though. Not a sound was allowed to be made if I wanted to be a knight.

Kel was kneeling on the ground cradling my head in her lap. My lifeless body was sprawled on the ground before her.

I knelt next to my copy and saw the wound in my side. I had obviously been attacked by someone. I looked up at Kel's face which was distorted in anguish. Her mouth was turned down bitterly and her eyes, her beautiful hazel eyes, were red and puffy from crying. Her small hands caressed my copy's face and I could almost feel them on my own; stroking my cheeks, tracing my lips.

Her fingers stopped their enticing dance across my copy's features and I sensed a deep lose within myself. She bent and kissed the lips of what was supposed to be me. How I longed to feel those lips on my own. I didn't even know I felt this way. It really was possible to love someone without knowing it.

She took out the dagger that Alanna had given her years ago. I was startled. What was she going to do with that? Her head went up and she seemed to stare right at me. It was eerie.

I watched as Kel raised the knife and slashed her own wrists. My mouth opened and I was about to yell when I remembered that I wasn't allowed to. I'd never wanted to yell, scream and rage more than I did then.

Kel lay herself down across the chest of my replica and calmly awaited death. I watched as the blood poured from her wrists. There was nothing I could do to stop any of it. I was watching my best friend, the love of my life, die. The fact that she was dying because I had died didn't fail to cross my mind.

I stroked her hair as tears coursed silently down my cheeks. This was my greatest fear. Kel's death was my greatest fear. I had wondered what my greatest fear was as I'd wandered the maze before hearing Kel's voice. How could I have not thought of this? Kel was my life. I would die without her.

I watched and cried as Kel's face grew steadily paler and her life's candle became steadily dimmer. I silently swore then and there that, if I were to survive the ordeal, I wouldn't let Kel die without her knowing how I felt about her.

Kel's breathing stopped. She looked calm, even in death. She and my copy became hazy and I looked up at my surroundings. The garden around me was beginning to disappear. Before long I was left alone, sitting in the middle of the Chamber, crying.

The iron gate opened and light from the Chapel poured in. Was it dawn already?

I swallowed and got stiffly to my feet. I staggered out of the Chamber and was caught by Alanna. I looked around the Chapel and there she was, standing beside Yuki, as beautiful as ever and very much alive.

A hesitant smile crossed her face and I managed a lopsided grin in return. I saw her sigh in relief. I had to tell her but not now. Not now.

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**Well, it may be disgustingly short but it ended up alright. I'm not too pleased with the beginning but the rest isn't too bad. I think I'll add another chapter. What do you think? I better go put a suicide warning at the beginning of the story, though. I had no idea it would end this way. I only wrote this from my head on a spark of inspiration.**

**Well, you all know what to do now! **

**REVIEW!**


	2. It's Not Important

**A/N: Well, this is the second chapter to 'My Greatest Fear' which people liked more than I expected they would. Most people wanted an update so here it is. I couldn't just leave it, though. I'm not one to leave a story half finished, others things maybe, but never stories. Unless I get writer's block but I still finish them! Anyway, it felt incomplete so I thought I'd write another chappie. **

**Disclaimer: Okay, if I were Tammy, do you seriously think I'd be sitting at my computer writing 'What If?' fanfic's of all things? **

**Enjoy this chappie! Remember though, this is from Neal's POV!**

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**My Greatest Fear**

**Chapter 2: It's Not Important**

I stood and my new shield was put onto my arm. Cheers erupted from the crowd behind me and I turned to face them.

Most of the people there were courtiers that I'd never actually met. The other more important people were my friends and family. They were the ones whose opinion mattered the most.

I walked down to join them all. They gathered around me. All of them; Father, Mother, Dom, my younger sister Alissa, Merric, Owen, Faleron, Roald, Shinko, Yuki and Kel. Dear, sweet, Kel; as steadfast and beautiful as ever. I stared into her dreamy hazel eyes and smiled. She smiled back. In her eyes I saw her pride and love but love for an older brother, surely. If only she knew how I felt. I had to tell her but I couldn't do it in front of everyone. It wouldn't be right; especially if she didn't feel the same way. I was jolted out of my thoughts by Owen.

"Show us your shield, Neal!" he asked, excited.

I obliged and watched as his eyes widened. He was like a child, Owen, like our baby brother.

"Oh, Neal isn't that just jolly! You're a knight! Can I try on your shield later?"

Everyone laughed, Owen blushed and Merric roughed up his hair in a brotherly way.

"Very good work Neal," said my father's voice.

I turned to face him and was swept up in my mother's arms. She was crying; tears of joy or sadness that her baby boy had grown up, I didn't know.

"We're so proud of you, Neal," she said, pushing away but framing my face with her hands. "When you left the university I didn't know what we'd do. I thought there was no hope."

Behind me one of my friends snickered (probably Dom) and I smirked. In a sarcastic voice, I said, "Well Mother, thanks for that. At least now I know who to go to for support."

Kel laughed and I realised then what a beautiful and carefree laugh it was.

My sister Alissa hugged me around the chest. "Congratulations Neal! I knew you could do it! I'm so happy for you!"

I patted her on the back. "Thanks, 'Lissa. That means a lot."

"Congratulations Nealan. You must be very happy."

I turned to find the person who had addressed me so formally. Sure enough, it was Yuki. Poor Yuki. She loved me. Or at least she thought she did. She deserved so much better than me and so much more than what I could give her.

"Yes, I am very happy. Thank you Yuki."

Something in my voice made her frown, bewildered. Then she gave a small sigh and backed down.

Yuki said, "You should take your shield to your room. You haven't owned it half a candle mark, and already you leave it to gather dust."

"She's right you know Neal," Kel said and grinned. "Come on, we'll take your shield to your room and then we can go eat. I hear the kitchen staff made extra vegetables, just for you."

I groaned. "Oh, joy! A rendezvous with the love of my life! Broccoli!"

Kel laughed and I flung my free arm around her shoulders as we walked to the doors. Everyone else went to the mess hall. My family would be eating at Lord Wyldon's table this evening.

Kel and I strolled to the squire's hall in companionable silence. It was the type of silence that only two people who had grown to love and care about each other through every imaginable situation could ever be content with. We didn't need to talk. Not that it mattered; we were probably on the same wave length anyway.

"How does it feel?" Kel asked, out of the blue.

"How does what feel?"

She playfully slapped my chest. "Being a knight, of course. What do you think I'm talking about?"

"Oh, that. Well," I seriously thought about it. "I don't feel any different. I expect I'll wake up very proud of myself tomorrow but right now, nothing. Unless you count relief."

She frowned. "Relief?"

"Yeah. I'm not a squire any more. I don't have to live on the road with Alanna any more. That's a blessing. And I've gotten through the ordeal in one piece."

"What was the ordeal like?"

I frowned down at her. "You know I can't tell you what happened."

"I didn't ask you to. Just… what was it like?"

I sighed. "It was… the hardest, saddest, most terrible thing I've ever experienced. I've no wish to ever do any of it again. I don't know how I'll sleep when you're in there."

She smiled at my concern for her. "I'll be alright, Neal. Don't worry. How bad could it be?"

The look that must have been in my eyes at that moment must have scared her because she unconsciously pushed herself closer to me and shivered, as if she were cold.

We arrived at my door and I unlocked it. Inside, stacked by the door, were my bags. Tomorrow I'd leave for my formal quarters in another part of the palace.

I put my shield on a stand and threw a cloth over it. I turned back to Kel and found her staring at my bags, mournfully.

I frowned. "Kel? What's wrong?"

Without looking up, she said, "Isn't it funny how fast time goes? It seems like only yesterday that we met and now here we are, a squire and a new knight, and you're moving out."

"Is moving rooms such a bad thing?"

"Not really but it just drives home how much we've all grown and changed. We're not the same people we were, Neal."

"That can't be all that's bothering you. You always welcomed change. Tell me what's really wrong."

Kel sighed. "There's no fooling you is there? It just feels that, by you moving rooms, you're really moving far, far away and leaving me. Do you know how sad I was when I had to go away suddenly with the King's Own? All I could think of was waking up the next morning and knowing you weren't going to be there."

I walked to her and took her in my arms. "Kel, I'm not going anywhere; not yet, but eventually something's going to come up and one of us will have to leave."

Kel nodded into my neck but I felt moisture there so I pushed her away to get a better look. She was crying.

Kel hurriedly tried to wipe away her tears but didn't succeed; they just kept flowing.

"Kel," I said and took out a kerchief to absorb her tears with. "Don't cry. Please. I hate it when you cry. I feel so helpless."

She sniffed and said in a choked voice. "Neal, you've never seen me cry."

I realised then that she was right. I'd only seen her cry a few hours ago in the Chamber.

I had to tell her. She had a right to know. I took a breath. "Kel… there's something I need to tell you…"

I was interrupted at that moment by a growl from our poor, underfed stomachs. Kel giggled and wiped away the rest of her tears. I never thought I'd hear Kel giggle. I smiled.

"What did you want to say Neal?"

I opened my mouth to reply but suddenly found that I'd lost my nerve. Kel frowned, confused that I had nothing to say.

Finally, I said, "Nothing. Let's go to dinner. We're both hungry."

I went to the door and she said, "But… Neal…?"

I looked at her and smiled tenderly. "Don't worry about it. I'll tell you another time. And anyway… it's not important."

**A/N: So, there it is. I don't think it's as long as the previous chapter but it's still a chapter. I guess this story will continue on for another couple of chapters. I'll try and update ASAP but I don't have a draft for this story so I'll have to think of what to write. This was only supposed to be one- shot. **

**Well, now that I've had my rant, click that little bluey- grey box in the corner and review!**


	3. Late Night Conversations

**A/N: Okay… HI! First, I'd like to apologise for the long wait. After I put up the third chapter, I wasn't really sure where to go. When I got an idea, I typed out the chapter but wasn't sure if I liked it or not. I decided to leave it and look at it again in the morning. So, I did. I hated it. It was REALLY bad. I deleted it and decided to start over. Finally I came up with a chapter that I was happy with. And here it is. **

**Second, I'd like to thank all the people who reviewed and/or read the second chapter. Replies are at the bottom of the page.**

**You've waited long enough for this so I'm gonna stop talking and get on with the story.**

**Disclaimer: Again, not mine; although, thanks this chapter, I now own two nameless Stormwings.**

**Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to PrincessPeach131. Thanks for all the help!**

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**My Greatest Fear**

**Chapter 3: Late Night Conversations **

"Kel- I don't understand," I said, shocked.

She reached out and gently stroked my cheek with her scarred and calloused but still soft hands.

"Dom was right; you really are a Meathead. What's not to understand?"

"Kel…"

Kel's fingers trailed down my cheek and across to my lips where they stopped my voice. She stepped closer to me and I unconsciously put my arms around her waist. Kel looked up into my face with her eyes that were pools of desire.

She smiled. "I love you, Neal."

I grinned and lowered my face to finally kiss the woman of my dreams when suddenly she stiffened in my arms.

I raised my head, confused. Her eyes were wide and glassy. "Kel?"

Hearing a cruel laugh, I looked up. Standing at the other end of the paddock that Kel and I were standing in was a Scanran soldier with a long bow. How I knew he was Scanran I didn't know.

In my arms, Kel made an odd gurgling sound. I looked back at her and found an arrow protruding from her back. Blood welled in her mouth and trickled out as her legs gave way and she collapsed.

Lowering her to the ground and crying I looked up and saw a flock of Stormwings hovering. They were eyeing her body.

"You can't have her!" I yelled to them.

"Your lady-love has denied us many a meal," replied a Bazhir-looking male. "It seems only fair that she herself should make up for it."

Hefting a stone in one hand, I threw it at them. It glanced off the Stormwing's steel wing but he only laughed heartlessly.

"Your puny efforts are pointless. She is ours; we have claimed her."

The Stormwing said a word I didn't understand and Kel's body rose away from me towards the flock. They flew away with one female flipping her tail at me as they left.

"Kel!" I screamed.

Lowering my head to my hands, I found that they were covered in my best friend's blood.

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Sweat-drenched and breathing heavily, I sat up quickly in my bed. Throwing the covers away, I launched myself up and to my dressing room where I still had a basin of water from that afternoon.

Thrusting my hands under the water, I scrubbed hard at the blood that was non-existent but that I could still feel and smell.

Finally calming, I braced myself on the wash stand and looked up into my mirror. I was remarkably pale and shiny with sweat. My dark brown hair was in major disarray and my emerald green eyes still held a trace of fear.

"A dream, Neal," I said to my reflection. "Just a dream, a nightmare. That's all."

Giving a huge sigh, I thought, _'I need some air.'_

I changed into breeches and a dark blue shirt then left my rooms to wander the lonely halls.

It wasn't one of my best ideas. Alone with my thoughts, I kept seeing Kel's lifeless form and my own blood-red hands.

These thoughts overwhelmed me to such an extent that I felt the sudden need to run; run away from Kel, the images of her and the Chamber that, even now, tormented me.

Feeling a fresh, playful breeze on my face, I looked around and found that I had run blindly to the outer wall of the palace.

'_How did I get here?'_ I thought.

"Hello?"

A voice from somewhere ahead of me emerged from the darkness. I knew who it belonged to.

'_Oh you're smart,'_ said the annoying little voice in my head. _'You run right into the person you were running away from.'_

"Hello? Who's there?"

I saw her figure step away from the wall and look in my direction.

"It's just me," I reassured her. "Your loyal servant, Sir Meathead." I accorded her a playful bow.

"Oh, Neal!" She laughed and I sighed inwardly. "I thought you were someone else."

"Were you expecting someone?"

"No."

"Then may I join you?"

"Of course. You're always welcome, Neal, you know that."

I walked over and joined her at the wall, facing out to the dark city below us. It suddenly occurred to me where we were.

"Kel, we're on the wall."

"I know."

"But you're scared of heights."

She chuckled. "Yes Neal, I know."

"Then why are you standing here? Aren't you terrified?"

"No."

I was becoming exasperated and I knew that she could tell. Thankfully, she decided to put me out of my misery.

"I can't see the city or the ground below us. It's too dark."

"But you still know they're there."

"That doesn't mean I can see them. It just seems like you and I are floating on a cloud in the night sky."

I thought for a moment then said, "That doesn't sound much better. Clouds aren't very stable, you know."

Kel laughed. "True."

"Well, what can you see?"

She turned to face me. "I can see your face. That's all that matters."

My heart began to race. _'Oh Mithros,'_ I thought. _'Of all the things for her to say.'_

"By the way, Neal," Kel continued, now looking concerned. "You don't look to good. Are you feeling alright?"

"Oh yes, I'm alright. It's just…"

"Just what?"

"A nightmare. That's all."

"Oh. Do you want to talk about it?"

I sighed. "As much as I'd like to, I can't."

Kel frowned. "Why not?"

"It has to do with my ordeal."

Kel's shoulders slumped and she bit her lip. "I wish I could help you, Neal. I'm sorry."

I sling an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to me. "That's alright. You can't help the whole world, even if you do want to."

"Neal," Kel began, almost timidly.

Startled, I looked down at her. "What's wrong?"

Kel swallowed. "About yesterday…"

"What about yesterday?"

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone that I… ah… well, you know."

I was confused for a moment, then, "That you cried."

Kel nodded silently.

"What's wrong with crying?"

"I'm supposed to be the strong and confident one, Neal. What would people think?"

I smiled. "That you're human."

"But…"

"There are no 'buts' involved," I hugged her tight. "Kel, if anyone has a right to cry, it's you. You've been through a lot more than the rest of us. And, personally, I found it flattering. I didn't know you cared."

Kel looked up into my eyes and I couldn't help but notice the similarities between this moment and my dream. I wanted to kiss her, so desperately.

She smiled her beautiful smile and said, "Of course I care about you Meathead, of course I care. How could I not?"

Kel laid her head on my shoulder and I stroked her hair. We stayed that way for hours and together we watched the sun rise.

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**Ok, this version of chapter 3 is much better than the original.**

**Now, replies!**

_**Irish Violinist: **That's happened to me. Hope you liked the update!_

_**PrincessPeach131: **I loved that line to. No one else mentioned it. Now that I think about it, I think you're right. Yuki probably wouldn't call him Nealan. I don't know why she did. Also, I don't plan on Kel finding out to soon. I've got an idea of where this is going. Anyway, thanks for the input. Because of it, this chappie is dedicated to you! Hope you liked it!_

_**Sirynta: **I hate cliffies to. But I was feeling mean._

_**Jewelled Rose: **I hope was even better than the last. Thanks again for the email. I appreciated it. Sorry for the wait though. It's all explained in the first A/N._

_**loserbat: **First of all, interesting name. Second, thank you for the compliment. They boost my confidence. I wish they'd gotten together to. Third, I forgot about Cleon. I'll have to think about that. But he wasn't there for her ordeal anyway; he was on the border or something. Maybe I'll fit him in somewhere. I'm not sure if he's with Kel in this fic 'cause I forgot him but I'll let you know._

_**The Midnight Line: **That's what I thought… and I wrote it!_

_**seabiscuit0810: **Itry to make all my fics different. Is your name like Seabiscuit the horse? He was cool._

_**Anjanka: **Ewwwww! I HATE Dom, although I don't know why. Well, it definitely won't be Kel/Dom!_

_**Thanks also go to **K, doublelily, Cerri, Pussin Boots** and **everyone else who read but didn't review._

**Well, that's all for now. I'll update quicker next time, promise. **

**Reviews please! I'll give you cookies!**


	4. Nice and Simple

**A/N: Well, I promised that I'd update sooner than I did last time and, well, here's the update. Once again, thank you for all the great reviews! It was nice to know that my readers hadn't abandoned me. Responses are at the end. Enjoy this chappie!**

**Disclaimer: Well, obviously I don't own anything.**

**This chapter takes place directly after the previous chapter.**

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**My Greatest Fear**

**Chapter 4: Nice and Simple**

Breakfast. Despite the hour, it's my favourite meal of the day for one simple reason. No vegetables are involved. Most people believe I don't eat vegetables and that I complain about them so much as a kind of joke. They couldn't be more wrong. I hate vegetables with a passion. I always have. They're just not as enjoyable or exciting as some other foods I could be eating.

Drizzling honey on to my porridge, I looked around at the other occupants of the table. Merric, Seaver, Roald, Esmond and Owen all looked too tired to do more than mechanically spoon their porridge into their mouths. Beside me, Kel was stirring her porridge in a very un-Kel like manor.

I leaned over to her and whispered, "Are you feeling alright? You're not sick are you?"

Kel turned to face me and I found that we were nose-to-nose. Surprisingly, she didn't pull back. Instead, Kel sighed quietly and leaned her forehead against mine before she whispered back. "I'm fine, Neal. Really. I'm alright."

"You don't look alright. What's wrong?"

"Nothing… just…" she sighed again. "Nothing."

Kel turned back to her breakfast and forced herself to swallow a mouthful.

I could see something was bothering her but she wouldn't talk about it if there was 'nothing' to talk about. Not that it would make a difference if there was something to talk about. Kel was the kind of person who thought she could solve all her problems by herself.

"Well, when you finally decide that the 'nothing' is 'something', I'm here. You can talk to me." I reached over and took her hand in mine. She communicated her thanks by gently squeezing my hand and I saw a small smile appear on her face.

She seemed to gather herself then turned to me, ready to say something when we were interrupted by Owen.

"Look! It's Cleon!"

Everyone at our table looked to the doors and sure enough, there he was; big, red-headed Cleon.

Kel turned away from the door and almost shrank in her place. It looked as if she wanted the ground to swallow her up. Her hand in mine was suddenly damp. Kel? Nervous?

I knew that Kel and Cleon were romantically involved and I knew that most of our friends suspected that they were. I also knew for a fact that it hadn't gotten very far. Cleon was betrothed and Kel didn't want any major commitments. Nice and simple.

What I didn't know until that moment was that I hated Cleon almost as much as I hated vegetables. He was leading her on and he knew it. One way or another, it would have to end. His fief needed the money that his betrothed had as dowry. He had to marry her.

Cleon sauntered over to the table, grinning from ear to ear, and dropped into the empty space on Kel's other side.

"How's things?" Cleon asked and pulled an apple from a pocket.

"Great!" Owen said in his usual excited way.

Merric scowled. "Great for you. You don't have to go through the ordeal tonight, do you?"

Cleon looked over at him and bit into his fruit. "You're doing it tonight? Who's already done it?"

"Neal went first," Seaver supplied. "And he made it out alive. Last night it was Quinden"

Cleon chuckled. "That's alright then. If our own dear Meathead got through it, you'll have no problem."

Everyone but Kel and I laughed. In a tight voice I said, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't call me Meathead."

"Why? You don't get angry when other people do it and you let Kel call you 'Meathead' anytime. Now really, does that seem fair?"

I ignored him and shovelled my breakfast into my mouth with the hope that I'd be done soon and could leave.

Cleon turned to look intently at Kel who was again stirring her porridge. "When are you going in Kel?"

"Going in where?" Kel didn't look at him but instead spoke to her food.

"The Chamber. For your ordeal? When is it?" Cleon said.

"Oh, that… I'm last; at the very end of the week."

"That'd be right. Of course it's you who has to wait."

"Yes… that's what I thought."

"Are you feeling ill, Kel?" Cleon asked, worried. "You don't seem yourself."

"I'm fine, thanks. Just not hungry I guess."

"You look pretty tired, Kel," Merric said. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

Kel smiled ruefully and finally looked up. "Not really. I couldn't get comfortable and decided to go for a walk. I stayed out until dawn talking to someone."

"Who were you talking to?" Owen asked, displaying his curious nature.

Kel smiled secretly. "Just… someone… an old and very dear friend."

Everyone except myself, Kel and Cleon looked bewildered; Cleon frowned as if in deep thought.

'_Deep thought? His thoughts are about as deep as a puddle.' _I thought angrily to myself.

"Kel, as a healer, I really must insist that you go straight to bed and get some sleep." I said. I just had to get her away from Cleon and, anyway, she needed the rest.

She turned to stare at me, "But… I have things to do. And Merric! He's going into the Chamber tonight!"

"All the more reason for you to sleep now." I stood and pulled her up by the elbow.

"When did you become so reasonable?" Kel asked but didn't resist as I picked up our trays and led her away.

"Well, a knight has to be reasonable. Knights use their heads."

"Something you've previously had a great deal of trouble doing."

"Why thank you, Keladry, nice to know that my best friend supports me."

She laughed as we left the mess hall and began walking towards her rooms with the King's Own in silence.

"So…" I began, feeling the need to break the silence, comfortable as it was. "An old and very dear friend? I hope you don't mean to imply that I'm old in years."

"No," she giggled. "Just in mind."

"OH!" I let out. "You make me sound like the Stump! How dare you, wench!"

Her eyes widened and her mouth opened and then closed. "Wench! Watch who you're calling wench, you… you…"

"Yes?"

Kel didn't finish her sentence, instead, she let out a stifled scream and came at me.

Laughing, I turned and ran down the corridor, not going very fast but fast enough that I was always just out of her reach. I was teasing her and I enjoyed it. We hadn't had fun like that in years.

I rounded a corner and skidded to a halt as I came face-to-face with Lady Alanna, my old knight-mistress, her husband, Baron George Cooper of Pirate's Swoop and their good friend, King Jonathon. Kel collided into my back a moment later.

Behind me Kel gasped then stepped up and bowed low. I followed suite.

Straightening I found George laughing, King Jonathon's mouth twitching and Alanna's eyebrows up at her hair line. She was looking very stern.

"Neal. You've been a knight for two days and here I find you gallivanting around the palace like a five-year-old child. Is that how you are going to show off everything I've taught you?"

"Well, Lady Alanna, the thing is-"

"It was my fault, Lady Alanna. I started it."

I looked at Kel in shock. "No you didn't. I did."

Kel turned to me, frowning. "No, it was me. I started chasing you."

"I called you 'wench', though."

"What difference does that make? The fact is I retaliated."

"It was all in good fun though."

Alanna coughed and we turned to face the trio that we'd both forgotten.

"We're sorry, Lady Alanna," I said. "It won't happen again."

"What? And why not?" she asked, curiously.

"Well, it's not very responsible, it's not proper, someone could have been injured and…"

"And next time it might be Wyldon that you almost run into the ground. You don't want to chance that, now do you?"

Kel and I shook our heads.

"Well, just so you know, I've done my fair share of running all over the palace. As I recall, it was quite enjoyable."

A smile spread across her face and she laughed. It was then that I realised that Alanna wasn't at all angry and that she wouldn't be yelling at us. She was just having a bit of fun. Even the Lioness needed fun in her day.

I smiled in return. "Come on, Kel. You really ought to be in bed." We bowed again and they walked away.

When they were gone Kel asked, "What just happened?"

"We just had an encounter with the Lioness of Tortall. How did you like it?"

Kel stared at me and I laughed, again starting to her rooms.

Finally reaching them, I was glad to see that Cleon wasn't hanging around waiting for her.

At her door, Kel turned to me and said, "Thank you, Neal."

"What for?"

"Brightening up my day, listening to me… getting me away from Cleon…"

"I didn't do anything of the sort."

A corner of her mouth turned up in an endearing sort of smile. "Sure Neal; whatever you say. I'll see you later."

Half way through her door, Kel paused and looked at me standing there. She looked around the hall, gathered herself and kissed my cheek. Before I had the chance to say or do anything, she was gone and I stood alone in the hall.

I made my way back to my rooms in a daze. She'd kissed me. Granted, it was only on the cheek, but it was still a KISS! I could still feel the slight brush of her soft lips on my skin.

Turning down the corridor to my rooms I was brought back to reality by Cleon, who was standing outside my door, scuffing the toe of his boot on the floor. He looked up as I approached.

"How's Kel?"

"She's fine, just like she said she was. Didn't you believe her?" I fished my key out of a pocket and inserted it into the keyhole.

"Where is she?"

As I turned the key I said, "She's in bed, asleep."

"Good."

I was about to close the door in his face when he said hurriedly, "Can I talk to you, Neal?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Why is it that suddenly I'm everyone's favourite confidante? I ought to get paid for this." I opened the door wider and let my large 'friend' in.

"What is it you wanted to talk about?" I asked as I lay down on my bed. Cleon stood uncomfortably in the centre of the room.

"It's about Kel."

"I figured it might be."

Cleon drew a deep breath and straightened his shoulders, looking confident. "I want you to stay away from her."

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**A/N: Mwhahahahahaha… I feel evil. **

**Before I get to the replies, I just want to say that I'm not sure when I'll have a chance to update next. I know it's horrible what with the ending the way it is but I'll do it ASAP but I've got an exam coming up, lots of VCE meetings and work experience. And Harry Potter's coming out in 11 days! Like I said, I'll do it ASAP. Thanks. **

**Now, replies, right?**

_**The Golden Shadow: **True, it's Neal or no one. I like the way you think!_

_**Guacamole13: **Neal definitely needs a kiss. He got one in this chappie… better than nothing, right? And don't worry, there'll be more. BTW… what is guacamole?_

_**Shadow of the Underdark: **I think maybe my phrasing confused you. See, originally, I had two copies of Chapter 3. The first one I wrote was disgusting so I wrote the one I put up instead. I don't know if that's what you were trying to get across. And yes, I like Neal when he's at his sweetest. Hay! What am I saying? I like Neal all the time!_

_**White-wolf2: **If you thought last chapter was cruel, what do you think of this one? LOL._

_**Cerri: **Thanks so much and I'm a hopeless romantic too. I live on fluff!_

_**PrincessPeach131: **I opened my reviews to find who to reply to and I'm greeted by this… book… that you've sent me. Thank you so much! I really look forward to your reviews. You go into so much detail, picking it apart and commenting on bits that you liked and bits you thought weren't exactly right. What more could I ask for? I'm glad you liked the dream. I really enjoyed writing it. It was kind of challenging because I wanted it to seem real but… not… at the same time. I wanted to put in her blood somewhere too. I find blood such a powerful substance, even if it does make me queasy. It's so sweet that you'd buy my books! I'd love to publish some one day. It's a goal of mine. When I achieve it, I'll put in something about fanfic so that you know it's me. (laugh) To tell you the truth, I don't think Kel's eyes would be 'pools of desire' either, but this is Neal's dream. Need I say more? As for future chapters, well, I'm going to try and include dream-like events. That should make things a bit more interesting for Neal. So, thanks for the review and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I don't like it as much as I did the others._

_**Thanks also have to go to **Jeweled Rose, queenofdiamonds1, The Midnight Line, thingy of um thingyness **and **Sunset of the House of Darkness House._

**Are you going to review now? PLEASE! (puppy eyes)**


	5. Odd Behaviour

**A/N: Ah, she has returned! Yes, I'm back and I know I haven't updated in ages. I meant to do it months ago but before I knew it, exams were upon me again and another term had passed. I'll cut the chitchat short and get on with the story.**

**Disclaimer: What do I own? Let's see… hmmm… a mountain of books, a stuffed elephant, a teddy-bear whose filled with beans and… well, let's just say that everything TP related isn't part of the list.**

**88888888**

**_Previously_ **

"_What is it you wanted to talk about?" I asked as I lay down on my bed. Cleon stood uncomfortably in the centre of the room._

"_It's about Kel."_

"_I figured it might be."_

_Cleon drew a deep breath and straightened his shoulders, looking confident. "I want you to stay away from her."_

**88888888**

**My Greatest Fear**

**Chapter 5: Odd Behaviour**

I sat bolt upright and stared at Cleon in shock, wondering if I'd heard him right.

"Excuse me?"

Cleon frowned and repeated himself. "I want you to stay away from her."

"'Her' being Kel, I take it?"

"That's right."

I gazed at him in silence for a few long moments, my mouth somewhere around my ankles. When I got control of myself I said, "You're kidding, right? You must be kidding. This is a joke."

"No joke, Neal."

I stood and paced around my room, looking at everything but the oaf in the centre of the floor.

"Right, well, are you going to give me an explanation?" I asked when I finally looked at him.

"Of course. You have to understand where I'm coming from. Kel is the world to me. Every moment she spends with you, increases the chance that she'll fall for you. I mean, I don't want to seem disrespectful, but you're certainly no Owen, you're quite the ladies man, in your own way."

"Have you heard yourself? This is just getting more ridiculous by the minute! Why would Kel even look at me? By the Gods, Cleon, I'm her BEST FRIEND!"

When I said it, the words bounced around my head. Her best friend, just what I was made to be. Nothing more than that; never more than that.

"That's all well and good, Neal, but what's to stop you from looking at her?"

I glared at him. "That isn't even worth a response."

"I know you have Neal. Do you think I don't know who she was talking about at breakfast? 'An old and very dear friend'? Who else could it be? I don't think I like the idea of you and Kel alone at all hours of the morning."

"We were talking, Cleon. That's what friends do. They talk to each other. They support each other. Besides, don't you think you're being incredibly selfish?"

"In what way?"

"Well, you're betrothed for starters. You know that you can't marry Kel so why don't you leave her alone and let her find someone else?"

"I can't do that Neal," Cleon said, softly.

"And why not?"

With despair evident in his voice, he replied, "I love her."

_Well, that just won't do, now will it? We can't have that, _said the ever present voice- in- my- head.

When I didn't say anything, Cleon continued, "Every time I see you two together, I get so angry. There've been times when I wanted to walk over and punch your nose in, Neal, for hugging her the way you do. She's so close to you. You know and understand everything about her. She tells you everything."

I sighed and wiped a hand over my face. "Cleon, you're suffering from a bout of jealousy. Nothing more."

"But-"

"There are no 'buts'. You have to let her go, Cleon. You're going to forget Kel, get married and be happy, alright?"

"Aren't you going to help me?" he asked furiously.

"Do what? Break her heart?"

"No, get her back, if only for a day! A day is better than nothing you know."

I stared at him in disbelief then I walked to the door and opened it. "You're disgusting. I'd appreciate it if you'd leave my rooms, please. I won't be able to meet your demands. Sorry."

Cleon continued to look at me. "I thought you'd want the best for her."

"I do, but the best isn't you."

Cleon's mouth tightened. I'd never seen anyone look so livid. He approached the door and stopped before he left. He looked me up and down. "She'll never go for you, Neal. She has better taste than that."

"Funny, you didn't think so a few moments ago."

Cleon left in a rage and I slammed the door behind him. Who did he think he was, to demand such things? This was so un-Cleon-like. Why was everybody not behaving like themselves? First Kel, then Cleon, not to mention myself, of course.

We were all to tense, what with all the ordeals and a war with Scanra imminent. We all needed to get out and relax. No, that wouldn't solve everyone's problems, particularly not Cleon's and certainly not mine, but it could help.

There was a knock on my door and I couldn't believe that Cleon would come back. "Go away. You're not wanted here."

The person on the other side was silent for a moment then said, "And why not? I didn't do anything."

I looked up at the door. "Merric?"

"The one and only."

I stood and went to the door, opening it to reveal my red-headed friend. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you, to talk about tonight but I saw Cleon storming off in the opposite direction and thought maybe he'd be a more interesting topic for conversation."

I sighed. "Yeah, I guess."

Merric frowned. "What happened? Is something wrong?"

"Well, it depends on how you look at it, but in my eyes, yes, something is wrong. It concerns Kel."

"Ah. Well then, can I come in? It's probably not the best idea to talk about it in the corridor."

I opened the door wider and let Merric in. When he had seated himself on my desk, I proceeded to tell him of the conversation that I'd had with Cleon. At the end, I asked, "Well, what do you think of that?"

Merric sat in silence, contemplating everything I'd said, then replied, "I think he's definitely jealous. He doesn't hate you at all and I'd don't think he'd want to hurt Kel but he probably feels second-best when you're both with Kel."

"So, what if we all went riding tomorrow? All of us, together, like it used to be. It might ease some of the tension."

"Good idea, I'll go tell everyone," Merric said, pushing himself off the desk.

As he departed to find all our friends, I wondered if I'd done the right thing. Sometimes, it was better to leave well-enough alone, but when it came to Kel, I'd just couldn't help myself. She was to be protected at all costs.

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**A/N: Ugh! Have I ever written anything so disgusting? This was even worse than the last chapter but it was the best I could come up with. I tweaked and twisted as much as possible but, nothing. I'm sorry I can't reply to your reviews but I'm sure you're all aware of the new 'rule' that I haven't heard confirmed.**

**Anyway, just a note to Princess Peach 131, this was the last, 'no-plot' chapter. The next one will be better.**

**Now, you can review. Please try and be nice. I know this sucks. I don't need to hear it.**


	6. A Dream Come True

**A/N: First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Second, I'm SOOOOOOOOOO sorry for the wait. It was a rough patch, writing wise, at least for this story. I'm back on track now and will be updating often. In any case, this fic will be FINISHED by January 27, as that's when I start school again.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing in this chapter is mine.**

**88888888**

_**Previously**_

"_So what if we all went riding tomorrow? All of us, together, like it used to be. It might ease some of the tension."_

"_Good idea, I'll go tell everyone," Merric said, pushing himself off the desk._

_As he departed to find all our friends, I wondered if I'd done the right thing. Sometimes, it was better to leave well-enough alone, but when it came to Kel, I just couldn't help myself. She was to be protected at all costs._

**88888888**

**My Greatest Fear**

**Chapter 6: A Dream Come True**

We saddled our horses and led them out to the courtyard. We were eleven in number with Kel, Owen, Cleon, Faleron, Merric, Esmond, Seaver, Yuki, Roald, Shinko and me, myself all present.

I double-checked Magewhisper's girth strap and mounted up, looking around at the group when I'd done so.

Roald was helping Shinko and Yuki on to their mounts, Kel was of course already in the saddle and the others were in various positions between being on the ground and on their horses.

Kel swung Hoshi's head around so that she could survey her friend's movements. The look in her eyes betrayed her weariness but she smiled when I caught her eye. It slide from her face as Cleon rode to her side and struck up a conversation.

I sat on Magewhisper's back, brooding as I watched the encounter. _I wonder what everyone will say if I go over to them and tell him to shove off._

Unfortunately, I didn't have a chance to find out as Owen rode up to me before I could move.

"Are we ready to go now, Neal? Everyone's waiting!"

I looked around. He was right; everyone was. "Sure we can go. You didn't have to wait for me; you all know how to ride for yourselves, don't you?"

There were a couple of murmurs of assent as we left the palace grounds and trotted out into the Royal Forest.

For all that it was Midwinter, the sun shone brightly through the trees, making the layer of snow that had settled during the night sparkle like millions of tiny diamonds.

Riding at the back of the group, I chuckled as I noticed Magewhisper prancing daintily around the slushier drifts of sugar frosting.

"You're as bad as me sometimes," I said aloud, rubbing her neck gently.

As we rode on, I absently watched my friends. Roald and Shinko were off to one side having a heated discussion, as they so often did, Merric and Faleron were just ahead of them, riding in companionable silence. Yuki, Seaver, Esmond and Owen formed a laughing group in the centre and Kel and Cleon led the lot of them, though Hoshi seemed to be a few strides ahead of Cleon's stallion.

_Funny,_ I thought to myself, _Everything is going to plan. They're actually enjoying themselves! Good job Neal!_

I dimly registered Kel wheeling Hoshi around and riding back through the group to come up alongside me. It didn't really sink in until she poked me in the ribs, at which point I jumped slightly and turned to face her. She smiled smugly and laughed.

"And what, pray tell, are you laughing at?"

"The look on your face. It was so funny! You looked like a fish." This last statement was said with all seriousness.

A corner of my mouth deepened and I raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? Well, I am glad you've deigned to continue comparing yours truly to edible substances."

Kel giggled. "You did, you know."

I huffed and laughed, roughing up her hair annoyingly. I turned back to the trail and after a moment said, "So, you got away from Cleon pretty quickly."

Kel bit her lower lip and wrinkled her nose. "Yes well, he kept calling me 'Pearl of my Heart' and 'Sunflower'. It was getting slightly sickening."

"You don't like pet names?"

"Not if they're as disgusting as those."

"Some people might find them romantic."

"True, but not me!"

I laughed at the look on her face. I could read the horror of liking that kind of thing in her eyes. That was the beauty of having the kind of relationship I had with Kel. We were so attuned to each other, that there was no real need for words. I loved that there was someone around who knew me so well. Even if she was in a totally separate room, I could feel her beside me.

"So… why are you here by yourself and not with Yuki?"

The guilt I'd felt inside since visiting the Chamber bubbled up and I averted my eyes from her face.

"There's just no reason for me to be with Yuki."

"Why not? Because you can spend the rest of your life with her?"

I shook my head. "Noooo… I've decided it's best that we go our separate ways. We're just not right for each other. Marrying would be the biggest mistake of our lives."

"And that would have to be one of the biggest decisions of your life. Am I right?"

"Almost. It is the biggest decision I've ever made."

"What about leaving university?"

"This was bigger."

Kel looked confused. "I don't understand. By leaving university, you pretty much determined the course of your life."

"Even so, but who knows if I'll ever find anyone else I could possibly spend my life with? I'd rather be in the wrong occupation with the right woman rather than the right occupation with a woman I don't love."

Kel had gone from looking confused to looking shocked in a matter of seconds. "Neal, I- I do believe you're being sensible."

I chuckled. "You believe right. Course, after four years with Alanna, I was bound to grow some responsibility."

Kel smiled gently. "Neal, if we weren't on horses, I'd hug you."

I was taken aback. "Really? Why? What for?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Just for being the best friend I could ever dream of having."

At this point in most conversations, I would usually make a stupid remark but this was Kel and what she'd just said made my heart swell, for more reasons than one.

"Thank you."

Kel's face became pink tinged and she trained her eyes on Hoshi's neck.

_Gods, I love this woman,_ I thought, happily.

We'd ridden only a few more feet when a cackle sounded in the air above us. Each member of our party looked upwards. A flash struck my eyes and I blinked to clear them, hearing a voice as I did so.

"Well well, looky here! Chicks that have wandered from the nest!"

I froze and Magewhisper drew to a halt, snorting. I knew what was above us. But it couldn't be. Surely if they were this close to the palace, Daine would have checked them out?

"Stormwings," Kel whispered, pulling Hoshi up.

"What is your business here?" Roald asked, sounding every inch the crown prince.

"Business? Why we don't have any, do we lads?"

The Stormwings flew lower so we didn't need to strain our necks. The leader was a pale-skinned female; the rest of the flock was made up of males of varying appearances. They all seemed relatively young, though one could never tell. They weren't called 'immortals' for nothing!

"If you have no business, I must request that you leave that vicinity."

The female Stormwing looked Roald over. "And who might you be?"

Roald straightened. "I am Prince Roald of Conte but that makes no difference. Will you leave?"

The Stormwings cackled again and a shiver ran down the length of my spine.

"It is our duty as Tortallans to report your presence to the King, who will send the King's Own to you."

The female raised her eyebrows. "Really? Ain't that sweet lads? They're willing to send out a formal welcoming committee!"

The males laughed and I noticed that everyone had drawn weapons. Hastily, I drew my own sword, hoping I wouldn't need to use it. Maybe they were peaceful Stormwings.

_Neal, you are a coward!_ said the voice in my head and I scowled.

One of the Stormwings saw my facial expression and flew right up to me. The stench was overwhelming and, somehow, I kept myself from gagging. The fact remained though, that I was petrified. Only Kel knew of my fear of Stormwings.

"You have a problem, green eyes?" asked the Stormwing.

I opened my mouth shakily to reply but Kel's sword tip came to rest at the beast's throat before anything came to mind.

The Stormwings eyes turned to watch her but he remained silent.

Kel's voice, when she spoke, was quiet and deadly. "Leave him alone. Neither you nor your flock are welcome here. Take them and go."

"And if we don't?"

Kel's face took on a rueful expression. "If you don't, you'll find yourself littering the forest floor."

"Oh," the Stormwing said slowly, and flew back to his mates. "We'd better bet going then."

"Right," remarked the female, "Go."

The whole flock drew back slightly in unison before flying straight at us.

Having no choice but to overcome my fear, I kicked Magewhisper and charged into the fray, sword raised. I would have to take care not to be sliced by those steel feathers.

It was chaos, to say the least. Swords flew, horses reared and Stormwings mercifully dropped.

As I beheaded one male I kept an eye on Kel, not that she needed my help. She was the best fighter amongst us. Had she been male, she might not have been but, as a girl, she'd been expected to be better than the boys. She'd spent countless hours working extra hard to gain her level of skill. She couldn't beat Alanna but then, the Lioness had had years of practise.

Cleon's sword swiped through the air and glanced across the lower metal half of the female Stormwing, creating an ear splitting screech that caused everyone to wince.

Oddly enough, it was Owen's sword that came out of nowhere and pierced her through the throat, ending her life.

We were silent as we surveyed the damage. The horses bore scratches but they could be taken care of. The Stormwings littered the ground, but wait, where was the one that had tormented me and that Kel had threatened? I couldn't see him.

The screech from behind us identified his position.

We all turned and I watched with growing horror as he swept down towards the group. He seemed off mark though, as he flew for the gap that separated the main group from Kel.

Quite suddenly I realised what he was planning.

"Kel! Move!"

She turned to me. She couldn't see the danger; she thought she could kill him.

I kicked Magewhisper into a gallop but the Stormwing was already there. He flew down and I watched with dismay and dread as the right wing sliced Kel's stomach.

With unrivalled hatred, I yanked my dagger from its place at my belt and threw it at the monster where it connected with his throat. This was a trick I'd learnt from George Cooper, Alanna's husband and the former King of the Thieves.

I didn't watch him drop; I didn't hear my friend's voices. All I was aware of was Kel, who was doubled over in the saddle.

I rode over to her just as she fell forward into my arms. What should I do? I couldn't handle something like this!

_Neal!_ The voice in my head this time sounded like Kel. _You need to get her to your father! She'll die otherwise!_

Hurriedly, I pulled her on to my saddle. I could feel her blood soaking through my shirt.

I turned Magewhisper in the direction of the palace and she broke into a gallop of her own accord. I trusted the others to fetch Hoshi and follow me.

As we flew back down the path, I noted that my hands were slippery with Kel's warm, red blood.

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**A/N: Well, there we go. Not in the same tone as my previous chapters but we had to take a different path. There are actually only a couple more chapters in this story. It's actually quite sad.**

**Anyway, I know the characters are a little OOC but this is MY fic and I'll write them the way I want to!**

**On a nicer note, could you possibly review? I've missed receiving them for this fic.**


	7. Waiting

**A/N: I'm just gonna get write into the story, 'kay?**

**Disclaimer: Same again. Don't own it!**

**Special Mention: A very special mention goes to Nutz Nina. Her great reviewing skills made her reviewer number 100!**

**88888888**

_**Previously**_

_All I was aware of was Kel, who was doubled over in the saddle._

_I rode over to her just as she fell forward into my arms. What should I do? I couldn't handle something like this!_

_Neal! The voice in my head this time sounded like Kel. You need to get her to your father! She'll die otherwise!_

_Hurriedly, I pulled her on to my saddle. I could feel her blood soaking through my shirt._

_I turned Magewhisper in the direction of the palace and she broke into a gallop of her own accord. I trusted the others to fetch Hoshi and follow me._

_As we flew back down the path, I noted that my hands were slippery with Kel's warm, red blood._

**88888888**

**My Greatest Fear**

**Chapter 7: Waiting**

The waiting room outside the palace infirmary was packed. Not only did it contain those who had been on our disastrous ride, but also Kel's family, who had arrived for her Ordeal in a couple of days, Daine and her (finally) betrothed, Numair Salmalin, who had both shown up after she'd tended to our wounded horses, Lord Raoul and Buri and most of the Third Company of the King's Own.

On arriving back at the palace, I taken Kel into my arms and run with her all the way to my father's office. He'd taken her inside and locked everyone out, except for Alanna who arrived soon after everyone else caught up. The healers had been in there for going on two hours.

I felt so helpless. I wanted to do something, I had the healing Gift after all, but what could I do? I'd probably take one look at her and panic. Never in all my life had I felt so useless. It wasn't helped by Cleon glaring at me from across the room.

Unable to sit any longer, I stood and began pacing the room. Owen followed my movements with his eyes and Roald played a ball of blue fire between his fingers. No one had said a word in over an hour.

With every step I took, my feelings of guilt doubled. There was no question that I was to blame for all this. To make matters worse, my mind had divided and a battle was raging inside my head. Neither side showed any side of advantage.

_This is your fault. I hope you realise that!_

_No, it isn't! I had no way of knowing the Stormwings were in the area._

_Would it have been so hard to check with Daine? If you had, none of this would be happening._

_I had no reason to check. There's never been any major problem like this before._

_Maybe, but that doesn't change the fact that Kel is dying!_

_Not necessarily. She's in good hands, she'll be alright._

_You hope. You saw how much blood she lost. You're soaked in it!_

It was true. My previously white shirt was now stiff and the colour of dried blood. My hands were stained red, just as they had been two nights ago.

Sometime during my mental argument with myself, I'd come to a halt. I now found myself staring at my hands, rough and red. My fingers shook and I clasped my hands together but the blood had found its way between my fingers and to the backs of my hands.

Before I could notice anything more, a pair of soft, white hands came into view and covered my own. Raising my head, I looked into the eyes of Ilane of Mindelan.

In her low, musical voice she said, "Don't trouble yourself. Kel is strong. I know she'll be alright."

"But-"

"Nealan… Neal, if you hadn't acted as quickly as you did, my daughter would have died in that forest. She owes you her life and I am in your debt. Thank you." She leant forward and gently kissed my cheeks.

When she'd returned to her seat, I turned and made my way to the window, feeling a little better about the whole ordeal.

I stood there, looking out over the training yards that we'd spent so much time in. I could recall so many things Kel had done or said on those yards. Try as I might though, I could never remember what I had said or done. It was always Kel, talking, smiling, laughing, running rings around the rest of us. These thoughts brought a smile to my face and I laughed. It sounded odd in the expectant silence but not wrong.

This was the last straw for Cleon though, who sprang to his feet and said loudly, "What's wrong with you? You stand there laughing while on the other side of that door, Kel could be dying. I don't care what anyone says, it's entirely your fault. If she dies, I'm holding you responsible. If she dies Neal, I swear, I'll kill you myself and then I'll go out and hand your body over to the first flock of Stormwings I find!"

I heard Kel's sister gasp in outrage but I refused to acknowledge what Cleon had said.

"Well?" Cleon asked, still angry, "are you going to just stand there or are you going you going to say something?"

Again, I remained silent.

Cleon stalked up to me and grabbed my arm, pulling me roughly around to face him. I wrenched my arm out of his grasp.

"Neal, answer me!"

In a quiet tone that betrayed my anger, I said, "I refuse to speak to a man who treats conversations as shouting matches. Does that answer your question? Let me also point out that, should my father and Alanna loose their concentration due to your yelling, and Kel does die, the tragedy will no longer be on my shoulders but instead, on yours."

"Now now," said Lord Raoul, hands outstretched in a placating way, "let's not get carried away. Everyone here knows Kel's made of strong stuff. She won't go dying on us anytime soon."

"Right," Dom put in. "Besides, she needs to whack Sir Meathead one more time."

"And remind him to eat his vegetables!" Faleron laughed.

"I doubt she'd leave Peachblossom either," Daine said quietly, breaking off her mental conversation with one of Kel's sparrows.

"Good," Merric said. "Now, if we're all in agreement that Kel won't die, what say you all take your seats? You're standing and pacing is becoming nerve-wrecking."

I was just sitting down again when the Infirmary door opened quietly and every occupant of the waiting room stood to hear what Alanna had to say.

"Well, she's doing just fine, although things were a bit touch and go for a while. Duke Baird and I have done as much as possible; it's up to Kel to do the rest."

"What do you mean, you've done as much as possible?" Kel's father, Piers, asked.

Alanna turned to me and I knew she would be testing me. "Neal?"

I felt everyone's eyes on me as I explained the situation. "With a wound as extensive as Kel's, it's impossible for a Healer, even one as powerful as Lady Alanna or my father, to fix every problem. They have healed as much as they were able but now Kel's body must take care of what they didn't."

Alanna nodded. "Correct. But Neal, why didn't you begin her healing on the road and send a friend to fetch your father and me? It would have been better for her."

I hung my head, feeling as if I'd failed somehow. "I know. I saw all the blood and didn't know what to do. She's my best friend Alanna, surely you understand that?"

She smiled grimly. "Indeed I do, though next time, try and at least stem the flow of blood."

I nodded. "Is she conscious?"

"Just barely. She's hanging on so she can see her family."

On cue, the whole Mindelan clan came forward and filed into the Infirmary past Alanna. The Lioness followed the family inside and shut the door.

"Well," said Lord Raoul, "now that we know everything's alright, we'd best be going. Come on boys, we can come back tomorrow."

Raoul left with Buri, Third Company, Numair and Daine in tow. The only people who remained with me, were my friends.

"Come on Neal, we'd better get going," Merric said, beckoning to me.

I looked up in surprise; at some point I had resumed my seat. "What do you mean?"

"She'll be fine Neal and we need to eat."

"And don't forget," Seaver said quietly, "I've got my Ordeal tonight."

I was shocked; I'd completely forgotten. What to do?

Seaver saw the conflict written on my face. "It's fine Neal, I know you want to stay with Kel. Don't worry about it."

"No, I'll come. I'd feel bad leaving you to the Chamber."

"Maybe, but you'd feel worse leaving Kel, as bad as she is. Don't worry about it, really."

"Are you sure?"

Seaver nodded. "Positive."

I took my friends hand and clapped him on the back. "Thank you. Don't worry, you'll be fine. You'll get through it."

His smile progressed from shaky to confidant at hearing my words and my conscience was relieved a little. I sat again and watched my friends leave, until, finally, I was alone with nothing but my thoughts.

Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back until it rested against the wall behind me.

_Thank the Gods_, I thought, _She could have died, but she didn't. She's alright._

I didn't notice my father leave the Infirmary and sit beside me until he said my name quietly.

I cracked one eye open and saw the weariness in his face.

"Neal? Are you alright?"

Sighing, I straightened up in my chair and opened both eyes. "I am now. Of course, I can never remember being so scared in my life, but, you know, other than that…"

Father laid a hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently. "I've never felt so much pressure to succeed. While I was in there, two thoughts ran through my head. One was that, if she died, you would never forgive me. The other was that you'd never forgive yourself. I knew that would be worse."

"Why?"

"Because, you would have withered away. She's everything to you. A blind man could see it. I have no doubt that you would die without her, Neal. Besides, you love her, you would have been so lost."

"She's the best friend anyone could ever have."

My father shook his head. "Neal, I'm not stupid. I know you're in love with her."

I bit my lip. "Is it that obvious?"

He thought for a moment. "Only to people who expected it."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"Well, I've always known it would happen and your friends probably had their suspicions. Alanna mentioned to me once during your squiredom that you were totally besotted with her. We can see it because we always knew it was there."

I sighed and leaned forward to rest my elbows on my knees. "Do you think Kel knows?"

Father was silent for a long while. "Maybe, maybe not. It's hard to say."

"So what do I do?"

"My advice to you would be to just come right and say it. You can't beat the straight approach."

"And if she doesn't feel the same?"

Father shrugged. "No one ever said love was easy."

I stared down at my hands, rubbing them together absently. It had taken almost losing her to realise just how much she meant to me. Now that I knew she would recover, could I risk losing her again if my feelings weren't mutual?

"Here, you probably want to wash some of that blood off."

I turned to my father who had produced a basin of steaming water and a washcloth from somewhere. He dipped the cloth into the water and, bringing it out again, wrung the excess out. He held out the still slightly dripping piece of material and I took it, slowly wiping it over my red hands. When he took it back and put it back in the basin, the water was instantly dyed a soft red. Still, the waters new colour looked anything but innocent.

My father placed the basin on the floor beside him and we sat in a comfortable silence. We had always had a good relationship.

After a while, the Infirmary door opened again and Kel's family came back into the waiting room. The men looked grim and the women pale. My father and I stood up to meet them.

"Thank you for everything you've done, Your Grace," Kel's father said, shaking my father's hand.

"Quite alright. Your daughter and my sone are so very close, Kel has come to mean almost as much to me as she does to him. I'll never be able to fully repay her for knocking Neal off his high-horse either."

I groaned and everyone present laughed.

"We'll be back to see her again in the morning," Ilane said.

Father nodded and picked up the basin when the family had left. "Well, goodnight Neal."

"Father," I said hurriedly, as he went to close the door in my face, "please, may I stay with her?"

"All night?"

I hesitated then nodded and my father took his time thinking it over.

"Well, I suppose that would be alright. Just, call me should anything happen and don't disturb her."

I nodded and stepped forward as my father held open the door.

**88888888**

**A/N: Well, that's it for now. This was actually supposed to be a lot longer but I thought I'd cut it in half to make two different chapters. Things are better that way.**

**So, I understand that Cleon is a little more evil than I'd originally planned but I can't help it if the story writes itself.**

**Reviews please!**


	8. Much Needed Advice

**A/N: Well, here it is folks, the next chapter, a day later than planned yes, but I got distracted by something… someone. :S**

**Disclaimer: This is really getting tiring. None of this is mine.**

**88888888**

_**Previously**_

"_We'll be back to see her again in the morning," Ilane said._

_Father nodded and picked up the basin when the family had left. "Well, goodnight Neal."_

"_Father," I said hurriedly, as he went to close the door in my face, "please, may I stay with her?"_

"_All night?"_

_I hesitated then nodded and my father took his time thinking it over._

"_Well, I suppose that would be alright. Just, call me should anything happen and don't disturb her."_

_I nodded and stepped forward as my father held open the door._

**88888888**

**My Greatest Fear**

**Chapter 8: Much Needed Advice**

As soon as I entered the room, my eyes were drawn to Kel, who was as pale as death. Her eyes were shut and Alanna was bending over her.

My old knight-mistress looked up when she heard my father shut the door, and raised her eyebrows when she saw me. My father must have given her some kind of signal because she just shrugged and said, "She seems to be stable enough, she should make it through the night without any fuss."

"Good," Father said from behind me. "You can go to her Neal."

When I didn't move, he poked me gently in the back and I forced my legs to carry me to Kel's side.

Alanna put a chair behind me and I gratefully sank into it. I didn't hear my father and Alanna leaving the room, nor did I see them. I had eyes only for Kel who, if you ignored her colour, appeared to be perfectly healthy.

The plain, brown blanket was drawn up perfectly to the base of her throat; there was not a wrinkle to be seen.

Not knowing what to do, I picked up the hand nearest me and turned it palm up. I traced the fine scars there, courtesy of Kel's baby griffin.

"Watching you take care of him was so funny," I said into the silence. "You were so patient, even when he bit you just for feeding him."

I smiled at the memories that came into my head and the smile developed into a chuckle when I recalled that, in her griffin days, Kel always smelt faintly of fish.

"Not that that's a bad thing mind," I said, as if Kel had read my thoughts. "I've always liked fish."

My eyes returned to her face and I brushed a lock of hair away from her eyes.

I'd never felt her hair before. It was soft and such a beautiful colour. She'd always thought of her hair as rather dull; plain, old brown, she'd once told me.

Well! Plain, old brown it was not! It was more like bronze, particularly if the light hit it just right.

I laughed quietly. "And you thought I was partial to curly, blondes."

I sighed and gently smoothed a hand over the section of blanket that covered her belly and therefore, her wound. I didn't lift up the blanket to check the bandaging. I had no idea what she'd been dressed in (she could be naked!) and besides, both my father and Alanna had been healers long before I was born. I knew they'd done a good job.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered as tears stung my eyes. "You could have died. I put you in danger, even after the Ordeal, I put you in harms way."

_Don't be stupid,_ Kel's voice said in my head. _None of this is your fault._

"You're right if course, as always. I wish you'd open your eyes though, just so I can know you're alright."

This was the perfect time to study her features properly, without being told off for staring. Kel's nose was fine and delicate, not too big and not too small. It was dusted with freckles and flawlessly set off her mouth. Her lower lip was full but not so much that she had a permanent pout. Her eyebrows were interesting. They rose up to a point that was almost too sharp, before sloping gently back down again.

It came to me that I had a goofy grin on my face and I hastily wiped it away before I realised there was no one around to see.

_That's right,_ said my mind, which seemed to have joined forces against me again, _if you kiss her now, no one will see. You'll be the only one to know._

My mind sounded very persuasive but I couldn't. Kel could wake at any moment. It would be just my luck to be caught in the act. No. I would sit beside her, I would hold her hand, I would even touch her hair, but I would not kiss her.

I was strong on this front for ten minutes at the most before I began having second thoughts. She had just received a major healing so the chances of her waking up now were very slim. I might also never get another opportunity to do it. It wasn't often that I was in the same room as Kel when she was sleeping.

_You know you want to,_ said my mind wickedly.

Well, of course I did! It was time to take a leap of faith!

Bending from the waist, I brought my face within inches of hers and whispered, "I love you," before leaning forward and gently kissing her.

When I came back up, I was glad to find that no one had snuck up on us but my eyes widened slightly and I drew back quickly as Kel stirred.

I waited, holding my breath, but let it out in relief when Kel just sighed and resettled herself, her head turned slightly in my direction.

I shook my head. "That was close. Definitely no more kissing, at least until I tell her."

It took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. When it did, is straightened in shock. I'd never actually planned on telling her. Sure, I'd thought about it after the Ordeal, but this was the first time I'd told myself that I'd do it.

I recalled the first time I'd tried to say it after my knighting. That was a disaster. Maybe the Gods had injured Kel to make me get on with it. Perhaps they were trying to teach me the value of life.

"Hmmm… that's an interesting thought."

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to pursue this because at that moment, I gave a great yawn and my eyes drooped, sleep having finally caught up with me. I didn't thank it for being so unexpected. I blinked once, twice…

… and when my lids parted, the infirmary was bright with dawn light, my neck was stiff and Kel was staring at me with her hazel eyes.

When this realisation registered, I jumped and leant forward to get closer to her, squeezing her hand. I was comforted greatly by the return pressure.

"Kel? Are you alright? How do you feel? Should I fetch Father? What about Alanna?"

She gave a drowsy smile and squeezed my hand again. In a quiet voice she said, "I'm alright. My stomach is sore but I'm fine really. And no, you don't need to fetch anyone. I'm happy with my present company."

I flushed when she said this and she giggled then groaned slightly.

"Don't laugh," I said, smoothing her hair. "Don't talk. I have enough air for both of us."

She was about to laugh again, but caught herself at the last moment. Instead, Kel nodded.

Should I apologize? I'd done it while she was asleep but that wasn't the same thing. She didn't look like she expected me to but looks could be deceiving. On the other hand, I already knew what she would say. She'd get angry at me for blaming myself for something out of my control. Maybe it was best to just leave things be.

"Well, I've been hear all night," I said before I could prevent myself. "Course, I didn't plan on falling asleep. Have you been awake long?"

Kel shook her head.

"Good, I'm just glad you didn't wake me up! I mean, usually I'm a real bear in the morning, but today is my good day. No mucking it up, okay?"

I could see the silent giggles behind her eye. She looked away for a moment and when she looked back, everything was under control.

It was at that moment, with the birds chirping outside and the servants hurrying along the corridors on the other side of the door, that I realised I had to do something. It was time to take action.

In a soft yet serious tone I said, "Kel, can I ask you something?"

Knowing she had to answer verbally now, Kel gathered herself and replied, "Of course Neal, always."

"If you loved someone, with all your being, would you tell them?"

She frowned and bit her lower lip. "I suppose so, yes."

"What if you'd known them for a long time and their friendship meant everything to you?"

"Hmmm… that makes things a little more difficult."

"It does rather."

"Well… if you'd known her for that long, and you were that close, I'd say, tell her. If she was a really good friend, she'd understand."

"Are you sure?"

Kel's face developed a funny expression. "I'm not sure of anything, Neal, but that's what I'd do."

I nodded. "That was much needed advice. Why are you so wise?"

Kel shrugged. "It had to be one of us!"

I chuckled. "True and I did get all the brains!"

Kel punched me in the arm. "So, do I know her?"

Frowning, I asked, "Who?"

"The woman you're taken with."

I shook my head. "What?"

"Neal, you wouldn't be asking for advice concerning your love life unless you had a lady on your mind."

"You see right through me, don't you?"

She smiled, slightly wickedly. "Always."

"Well, yes you do. Other than that, I'll tell you no more."

Before she could complain, my father entered the infirmary. "Ah Kel, my dear! How are you feeling this morning…?"

**88888888**

**A/N: OK, so it's shorter than normal. Can I help that?**

**Just as a warning, the next chapter may take me a little longer to write as I have to work out something concerning Kel's Ordeal. In the meantime, you can send me lots of nice reviews to keep me going!**


	9. In the Rose Garden

A/N: OK then. Well, this is the second last chapter I think, so let's just get straight into it. This chapter is longer than normal, so, yeah.

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.

Special Mention: A very special mention is awarded to my good friend Jeweled Rose for her aid in the writing of this chapter.

**88888888**

_**Previously**_

_Kel punched me in the arm. "So, do I know her?"_

_Frowning, I asked, "Who?"_

"_The woman you're taken with."_

_I shook my head. "What?"_

"_Neal, you wouldn't be asking for advice concerning your love life unless you had a lady on your mind."_

"_You see right through me, don't you?"_

_She smiled, slightly wickedly. "Always."_

"_Well, yes you do. Other than that, I'll tell you no more."_

**88888888**

**My Greatest Fear**

**Chapter 9: In the Rose Garden**

After my father's arrival, I was booted out of the infirmary so Kel could be re-examined and so I could finally change my shirt. Father said I could return after lunch.

Feeling slightly left out, I made my way up to my room where I found not only hot water awaiting my bath, but also Jump and some of Kel's sparrows.

Crouching, I scratched Jump around the ears and reassured all the animals as Kel would, explaining the circumstances. "Don't any of you worry. Kel's going to recover to perfect health. Sure, she was wounded pretty badly but she's already way up on healing time."

When the animals had accepted and fully understood my words, I picked up the water and took it into my washroom, carefully pouring it into the bath.

Turning to my mirror, I was shocked at the appearance of the man staring back at me. My face was pale, hollow-eyed and gaunt. My hair was in major disarray. The look in my eyes was that of an old man who'd seen it all and was tired. I seemed to have aged years in just half a day.

Rubbing my palms across the stubble that covered my jaw, I sighed. I wanted nothing more than to wash off the blood on my skin and get into bed. Still, I couldn't. Not only did I have to exchange news of Kel for news of Seaver, but I also had to eat. I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before and that seemed like an eternity ago.

Stripping off my clothes, I threw my barely scrunchable shirt into a corner and stepped into the warm water, sinking down until it reached my chin.

I watched as the water turned slightly pink from the blood on my skin. I sat unmoving until I lifted a hand and looked on as the water fell through my fingers.

I sat there for a long while, just thinking about everything that had happened in the last few days. I only woke up to myself when I noticed the water had reached that lukewarm stage that I hated.

I scrubbed hurriedly, the water turning more pink by the minute, and hopped out of the bath before it could cool any further.

I dried myself off and dressed in a dark green shirt with black breeches. Then, I shaved and impatiently finger combed my hair.

I left my rooms with Jump close on my heels, intending to find my friends. Instead, as I walked past a small library, they found me.

"Neal!" Merric called out and I turned to find them all waiting, with the exception of Seaver and Cleon.

I smiled. "I take it Seaver did alright then?"

"Yes, he did just fine, like you said he would," Faleron replied. "How's Kel?"

Everyone's face took on a worried expression.

"She's a lot better. Better than expected, considering she was wounded so badly. I got to speak to her this morning before Father arrived and sent me packing. I'm going to go back after lunch."

Everyone, myself included, breathed a sigh of relief at hearing this, then we began making our way down to the mess hall for breakfast.

"Soooooooo," I asked slowly, "where's Cleon?"

Esmond shrugged. "No idea. He made an appearance at the Chapel at dawn to see how Seaver fared then disappeared. He's not very happy with you Neal."

"Is he ever?" I scoffed.

"I don't understand," Owen said as we continued on our way. "Why doesn't Cleon like you Neal? Haven't you always been friends?"

"Cleon thinks he's in love with Kel," I responded shortly.

The looks on their faces told me I had just confirmed their suspicions.

"Is that bad?" Owen asked innocently.

"It is if Cleon's getting married, which, I might add, he is! Besides, even if he weren't betrothed, he's all wrong for her."

"Why Neal," Faleron laughed, "if I didn't know better, I'd say you were in love with Kel yourself!"

I blanched at this and was thankful I was leading the group down the corridors. As a result of this though, I didn't see the looks they exchanged when I said, "Don't be ridiculous."

**88888888**

As hard as I tried not to rush through my lunch, it was gone in seconds. To make up for this, I walked extra slow on my way to the infirmary.

When I eventually got there, I sought out my father who gladly answered all the questions that had been running around my head since I'd been removed from my friend's presence that morning.

"She's been fine. Kel's made a great deal of progress with just a few minor touch ups from me. Her family came back this morning and then Third Company stopped by. She's slept since they left but she appears to be waking now. Why don't you take her out into the gardens? Some fresh air would work wonders, just don't overdo it."

I nodded and went to sit on the edge of Kel's bed as she fully woke.

She was sweet waking, like a child. Her mouth moved from side to side and her nose twitched. Her eyelids fluttered and she stretched her arms before finally opening her eyes. When she did, Kel blinked drowsily and smiled when she noticed me.

"Hello again," I said softly.

Kel's smile spread. "Hello Neal. Come to oversee the healing process?"

I grinned. "Of course but you can heal just as well outside as you can in this bed, perhaps even better. What do you think of a leisurely stroll through the rose gardens?"

"They're not in bloom!"

I shrugged. "So?"

Kel thought for a moment. "Does your father think it's alright?"

I took on an offended look. "Don't you trust my judgement?"

In reply, she gave me her don't-be-stupid-or-I'll-whack-you-one look.

I sighed. "You're no fun but yes, he's the one who suggested it, so don't fret."

"Well, I suppose it'll be alright then but you might have to help me get up."

"Right," I said, rising.

"Neal," she said, "could you pass me a clean shirt?"

I frowned in confusion. "What?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes slightly. "My shirt Neal. Mama brought in a clean one this morning. I can't wear my old one and I don't think people would appreciate me going around shirtless."

I blushed at the thought of Kel without a shirt, and turned to pick up the clean, pale blue garment that had been neatly placed over the back of a chair. The shirt she'd been wearing yesterday was nowhere in sight and had probably already been disposed of.

I passed Kel the shirt and watched in fascination as she hitched the blanket higher and donned the shirt under the sheets.

She laughed when she saw my expression. "What? Never seen a girl dress before?"

"No!" I said indignantly.

Kel giggled then turned serious. "I'm sorry Neal. I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

I smiled. "Don't worry about it. Come on now, or we'll still be here come supper."

I drew back the blankets that were heavier than they looked as Kel pushed herself up, supporting herself on her elbows.

Swinging herself around, Kel sat on the edge of her bed. Thankfully, the wound was high enough up that she could sit upright without any pain. Bending was another matter entirely.

"You'll have to do up my boot laces Neal."

"No problem. Anything for so fair a lady as yourself," I said.

Kel either didn't hear the serious tone of my voice or she ignored it.

When her laces were tied tightly, I stood and held out my hands to pull her up.

Once Kel was on her feet, I took her left hand and tucked it under my right elbow, as lovers normally did. With my eyes, I dared her to break away. She didn't. Instead, Kel rested her other hand on my arm and smiled sweetly.

_Gods, _I thought, _does she have any idea what she does to me?_

As we left the infirmary, I pondered. Today was the day I told Kel the truth about how I felt about her. I was finally going to admit it. I nodded firmly but Kel caught the action.

"What was that for?" she asked quietly as we walked down a flight of stairs.

"Why are you talking so quietly?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

I gave her a bewildered look and shook my head. "Are you sure that Stormwing didn't get your head too?"

She laughed. "Are you going to tell me why you nodded or not?"

"I just finally convinced myself to do something."

"Which is…?"

"None of your business!"

Kel scrunched up her nose. "Fine."

We left the palace and turned on to the path to the gardens in silence. It was then that something occurred to me.

"Kel, what are you going to do about the Ordeal?"

She looked up at me, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you're going into the Chamber tomorrow night but you're wounded."

"Oh that. Well, I have to go in. You know how the Chamber is. Lady Alanna explained it to me. You go in at your appointed time or not at all."

"What!"

"Well, you know, you go in a year late."

"Oh. So you'll do it?"

"Of course. Your father says I'll be fine with it."

"He's never been in the Chamber."

Kel sighed. "Neal, I'm doing so much better than expected. I'm feeling great, apart from the occasional twinge. I'm sure everything will be alright."

I looked away, not so sure. The Chamber was merciless. It wouldn't care if Kel had sustained a wound that could have proved fatal or not.

She must have noticed my worried silence because Kel's fingers tightened on my arm. "You shouldn't worry about me so much Neal. Don't you have any faith in me?"

I turned my head back to her sincere, hazel eyes. Pulling my mouth to one side I said, "I'm sorry Kel but you mean a great deal to me. Yesterday, I thought you'd died. I didn't know what to do. I have faith in you Kel, but losing isn't part of my list of things to do."

Kel smiled gently and was about to reply when she touched her stomach and winced.

"Kel? Are you alright? Maybe we should go back."

She shook her head. "No, I'm fine. I just need to sit."

"And you say you can go into the Chamber?" I asked as I seated her on a secluded stone bench in the gardens.

I sat beside her and clutched her hands.

"Drop it Neal. Nothing is going to stop me from entering the Chamber tomorrow night, not even you."

_You'll just waste you breath arguing. Give it up. Now is the perfect time to tell her how you feel._

At the thought of this, my stomach flipped. Could I really do it?

"Neal?"

I shook my head. "Yes my dear?"

She bit the inside of her lower lip. "Ummm… well, the thing is… you know you're my best friend, don't you?"

_Oh no_, I thought,_ this is it. She's about to tell me she loves Dom or someone!_

I swallowed hard. "Yes, of course. And you're mine."

"Well good because… uh…"

Kel fell silent and I frowned in confusion. I was trying to think of something worthwhile to say when she moved quite suddenly.

It took me a moment to realise the split second pressure I'd felt on my lips was a kiss.

When this was settled in my mind, I looked down at the top of Kel's head. She was staring fixedly at the ground and muttering to herself.

I leaned closer to hear her words.

"Stupid! So stupid! He must think I'm an idiot!"

"On the contrary my dear, I don't think you're anything of the sort."

Kel's head shot up and I just managed to get my head out of the way of hers.

"Oh Neal, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"Kel, don't be sorry," I replied, shaking my head. "I love you."

Kel did a very cute double-take but remained silent, staring again at the ground.

"Do you love me, you know, in that way? Please say you do. You can't go getting my hopes up like that and then deny any feeling for me."

I knew I was babbling, so I shut my mouth.

"Neal… I don't know what to say."

I put my hand to her jaw, turning her head so she was looking at me. "Say you love me."

Kel's eyes darted from my face then back again so she could look me in the eyes.

"Oh Neal. I love you. I don't know how and I don't know why. All I know… is that I do."

The grin that split my face was so wide it hurt. I hugged her enthusiastically for a moment before remembering her stomach and letting her go.

"That's good enough for me. I'm so glad you kissed me. I might have been hopping around the truth for years. I probably would only have spoken up at your wedding."

Kel giggled and leaned into me. "In true Meathead fashion."

I laughed loudly and said, "Kel?"

"Yes?" she asked, looking up.

I looked her full in the face and suddenly had no words left.

I shook my head. "Nothing."

And I gathered her in my arms and thoroughly kissed her.

**88888888**

**A/N: YES! It finally happened. I know you're all in shock. You've all been like 'When's Neal going to tell her?" Mwhahahahaha! From the beginning, I had it planned that Kel would make the first move. I feel so deliciously evil!**

**So… hate it… or love it? A review would be a great way to let me know.**


	10. Opening the Door

**A/N: I know I said this would be up 3 months ago but it proved harder to write than I'd originally planned. When I started school, I had too much to do to write anything and I've only now had the chance as I'm on holidays. All I can say, is better late than never! I hope you all understand that even the best-laid plans go waste. **

**Disclaimer: None of this belongs to me. I'm not profiting from it in any way, except maybe satisfaction wise.**

**PLEASE NOTE: The A/N at the end of the chappie has a couple of important things in it that I'd like you readers to know. So, read it when you're done!**

**88888888**

_**Previously**_

"Oh Neal. I love you. I don't know how and I don't know why. All I know… is that I do."

"That's good enough for me. I'm so glad you kissed me. I might have been hopping around the truth for years. I probably would only have spoken up at your wedding."

Kel giggled and leaned into me. "In true Meathead fashion."

I laughed loudly and said, "Kel?"

"Yes?" she asked, looking up.

I looked her full in the face and suddenly had no words left.

I shook my head. "Nothing."

And I gathered her in my arms and thoroughly kissed her.

**88888888**

**My Greatest Fear**

**Chapter 10: Opening the Door**

The door of the Chamber swung shut silently and swiftly behind Kel's back, leaving her in pitch black and my stomach in knots.

'_So begins one of the longest nights of my life. Oh, how will I occupy myself? There's absolutely no chance of sleep.'_

My friends seemed to be thinking along the same lines because when I turned, I found them all gathered together.

"Come on Neal," said Merric, "We're all going to my rooms to wait out the night. You ought to come with us."

I was given a split-second to consider the proposal before Shinko and Yuki came up on either side of me. They each took an elbow and, when I looked into each of their Yamani faces, they smiled sweetly, as if daring me to refuse.

"You know Merric," I said, "that might not be such a bad idea."

He grinned and nodded but I could see in his eyes a certain quiet fear that was present in each face staring at me. It was certainly in my own. All of us agreed that, although Kel was no coward and definitely strong, she had been badly wounded and that waiting an extra year was infinitely superior to losing one's life.

As a group, we left the Chapel and trouped up the flights of stairs to Merric's palace quarters. Everyone talked quietly amongst themselves, except me, flanked by my two Yamani 'bodyguards'.

I wasn't quite sure what I expected to see when we reached our destination. One thing I do know, is that Cleon wasn't it.

Seeing the large redhead waiting for us outside Merric's rooms caused us all to stop short. His eyes found mine and he glared frostily.

"Cleon," Faleron said, "how nice of you to join us."

"Did she go in?" he asked, glancing in Faleron's direction.

"Of course. We would have had to kill her to stop her."

After a moment, Cleon seemed to accept this and nodded. "So, Merric, do you think I could join you?"

Merric's head turned to look at me over his shoulder.

"They're you rooms Merric, not his," Cleon said impatiently, when he realised Merric was waiting for a sign from me.

Merric ignored him and raised an eyebrow. I responded with a slight shrug of my shoulders. My friend turned back to Cleon. "Sure, you can join us if you want."

As Merric unlocked his door, I avoided looking at Cleon. I had promised myself that, the next time I saw him, I wouldn't cause any trouble. That included initiating and/or continuing an argument. I was too tired for all that anyway. The previous night I had stayed up late with Kel who had dozed off occasionally. So many late nights just couldn't be good for me.

We all filed into Merric's rooms and found various places to sit. Merric sent for some bread and fruit and poured wine for everyone, except me. I had cider.

With good food and drink, we all settled down to wait out the night.

"It's going to be a long night, isn't it?" Owen asked.

Everyone nodded in response and, just as the women began a game of chess, a knock came at the door. It was opened to reveal Dom, for once frowning instead of smiling.

"Hello all," he said, stepping over the threshold. "I was wondering if I could wait up with all of you. Everyone down at the Own barracks is tense. I fear Lord Raoul will be grey-haired by the time dawn comes from all the stress. He's not taking it well, poor man."

This comment brought a laugh from everyone and Dom was welcomed. A drink was thrust upon him and he perched on the arm of my chair.

"And how are you coping cousin?" Dom asked me quietly once everyone was occupied with conversation.

"About as well as Lord Raoul I'd say."

Dom chuckled. "Not very well then."

I shook my head. "No, not really."

Dom was silent for a moment then leaned closer to me. "Neal, you'd probably like to know, that I know."

I looked up at him in confusion. "What?"

"About you and Kel. I know. I… ah… came across the two of you purely by accident yesterday while you were otherwise occupied. There I was, strolling through the rose garden, and what should I come across but my cousin and his best friend…well… a little closer than usual?"

I blanched. "You did?"

He smiled. "I did, but don't worry you meathead over it. I got going once I was over the shock. I also haven't told a soul."

I stared at him with a slightly dumbstruck look on my face. "Thank you."

Dom clapped me on the shoulder. "No problem. Kel does mean a lot to me and you are family after all."

"What's all this about Kel and Neal being closer than usual?"

Dom and I turned to find Cleon standing behind our chair. He had come up sometime during our conversation.

"Do you mind?" I asked tersely. "This is a private conversation."

"It was until you started discussing Kel."

"Cleon, have you heard yourself? Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?"

"I already asked you once to stay away from her."

"Cleon!" I said, my voice raised, the whole room silent. "Kel doesn't belong to you. You don't own her! Nor do you own me. You have no right to dictate to either of us who we may or may not see."

I stood up. This prevented me from having to twist uncomfortably to see him and it allowed me to look him in the eye.

"Neal, you know how I feel about her."

I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face. "Yes Cleon, I know, but you seem to be forgetting some very important facts. One, you're getting married and two, Kel doesn't love you! At least not that way."

Cleon was silent for a moment and I became aware of everyone watching us.

"A duel," Cleon announced, "is the proper way to settle this matter."

I sighed again, now resigned to the fact that my one-time friend was more clueless than I'd originally thought.

"Cleon, I refuse to fight for Kel as if she's a prize to be won. She's a human being, not an inanimate object. She's a big girl who can make up her own mind. Besides, it's not as if I intentionally set out to take her from you. It just happened. In any case, I'm not going to risk you killing me just because you're having trouble coming to terms with the facts of life."

"Listen to reason Cleon," Merric spoke up. "You know that what Neal is saying is true. Face the facts and move on."

"Don't get involved in something you don't understand Merric," Cleon said shortly, never taking his eyes off mine.

I could hear the anger in Merric's voice when he replied, "Don't you take that tone with me Kennan. I'm not a child who is blind to his surroundings. You want Kel but, believe it or not, Kel wants Neal, who I'm certain, returns her feelings. You have no right to intrude on their happiness."

Cleon didn't make any move to show he'd heard for a short moment, then his shoulders sagged and he sighed, defeated.

"I can't say I'm sorry for what happened Cleon," I said quietly, "I'm not. I am sorry that it had to come between us and cause us so much trouble."

Cleon didn't reply; he just stared at me with his heart in his eyes. I could see that he was breaking.

"I suppose it was only a matter of time before she fell in love with you," Cleon said bitterly. "You two are so close. You know what the other thinks and feels without any means of communication. You always know what Kel's going through, even if she refuses to tell you what it is. I can only say that I envy you and that I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you. Just don't expect me to apologize for loving her."

"I would never ask you to do that. I wouldn't do it if someone threatened me."

We stared at each other uncomfortably for a moment in the silence.

"Well…" Dom said, wanting to break the silence. "Now that we're all friends again, how about a chess tournament?"

I turned my eyes on my cousin. "A chess tournament?"

Dom nodded. "Yes. It'll make the night pass and it might even be fun."

"Kel's stuck in that godforsaken chamber, I just got myself out of a duel and all you can say is 'how about a chess tournament?' What are you?"

Dom looked affronted. "Now, now Neal. No need to get carried away. We all know how terrible you are at the game but that's no reason to stop us from playing."

I glared. "I'm not terrible at it, I just don't play very often."

He guffawed. "Yes, of course, Neal, whatever you say."

I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away from him. "You're impossible Dom."

Dom laughed out loud at this remark and sat down beside Yuki and Shinko to wait out their game.

**88888888**

Dawn's early light streamed through into the Chapel and washed all the people in it in gold.

Kel's whole family was there, as was Third Company, my father, Alanna, our own group, Lalasa, Kel's whole flock of sparrows and Jump.

Everyone was on edge. As I waited, all I could think of, was the priests opening the heavy door and revealing Kel's dead body to us.

'_She's strong,' _I thought to myself, not for the first time. _'She's the strongest person I know, in very many ways. The Chamber would have to be insane to let her die. Of course, no one ever said the Chamber was sane in the first place.'_

These thoughts did me no good, I knew. All I could do was sit impatiently and pray that the Gods really were merciful. It would be just like them, to get us together and then take her away from me.

I was glad that Cleon and I had come to a kind of truce. I couldn't blame him for loving her. How could anyone not love her? She was perfect, after all.

The priests approached the door and we all shuffled around uncomfortably. I swallowed and found my mouth dry. Merric clapped me on the shoulder encouragingly and my prayers flew through my head at double speed. I needed to get in as many as I could before the door opened completely.

The priests pulled and I couldn't keep my eyes from shutting. Mentally hitting myself, I forced my lids open again and held my breath as the door was opened fully and Kel was revealed… slightly hunched over, but alive.

I breathed out in relief and had to grab one of the pews in front of me to keep myself upright. Raoul hurried forward to help her out and all I could do was stare at the woman of my dreams. She was alright! She was fine.

'_I told you so,'_ said the voice in my head and for once, I didn't push it away. I savoured the four words that went around my head.

Ilane went forward to help Raoul with her daughter. From between them, Kel's head rose and she looked straight at me. She gave me a weary smile and I managed a single step towards her.

Ilane and Raoul propelled her forward until she stood before me.

"How do you feel?" I asked softly.

Kel gave the tiny smile that I found so endearing. "Fine. I may have bled a little through the bandages, but I think it's alright."

I didn't know what to say. She'd done it, what she'd sworn to do right from day one. She was now a knight of the realm.

"You know what this means, don't you?"

She looked perplexed. "I'll need a healer?"

I laughed, a real carefree sound that betrayed the relief I felt. "No. You're a knight now. We're both knights now."

Kel glanced at the ground and looked back up at me in shock. "Gods, you're right. I didn't even realise." She laughed a little. "I completely forgot."

I slipped her from the arms of her former knight-master and mother and supported her gently with my own. She slid her arms around my neck and our noses were nearly touching.

In a whisper meant only for her ears, I said, "So long as you don't forget how much I love you and you love me, you can forget whatever you want."

She smiled tiredly. "I could never forget something like that. What do you think got me through the Ordeal?"

I grinned happily. I couldn't think of anytime when I'd been happier than I was at that moment. There was just one thing left to do to make it perfect.

"I love you," I said and captured her lips with my own in front of everyone present.

I felt her lips smile right before she returned the favour.

**88888888**

**A/N: … I'm kinda lost for words at the moment. That was it. It's over. (sigh) OMG. I can't really get it through my head. This chapter took a lot out of me. When I couldn't write it, I went through hell. I thought this would be easy, but let me tell you, it wasn't! I liked this chapter, except the bit immediately after Cleon and Neal 'made up'. Everything before and after that was fine though.**

**Gosh, I just have to say a few things before I let you all go so PLEASE READ THIS!**

**First of all, this was an amazing fic to get to write. The feedback and support I received was outstanding. I had to keep improving myself to keep up with the standards you guys set.**

**Second of all, if anyone would like a hand with anything writing wise, I'm always open to lending a hand. I beta for Jeweled Rose, so I do know what I'm doing. Check out her fic 'New Beginnings'. It is also a K/N and is great! You'll love it, I guarantee.**

**Third, thanks to all the people who actually left a review at any point during the course of this fic. If you haven't reviewed yet, I'd greatly appreciate it if you did. I currently have 178 reviews for this story and it would be great if I could reach 200 with this chapter, so go out and tell all your K/N shipper friends!**

**Finally, this fic means a great deal to me. I'm almost crying, knowing that it's over. Despite this, there will NOT be a sequel. I may write another K/N in the future. I have become very attached to Neal, whose presence has seemingly been just over my shoulder ever since the beginning of this fic. Therefore, no matter how many of you want a sequel, there won't be one. It would just ruin everything and besides, I'm way to busy at the moment, what with school and writing a sequel to a Lily/James (Harry Potter) fic I have.**

**So, thanks from the bottom of my heart guys. Just leave a review each for the road and I'll be eternally grateful.**

**Be safe,**

**Lady Knight 1512 **


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